The Perspective of Yuki Nagato
by AllenP3989
Summary: "The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya" from Yuki Nagato's perspective. Rated T for very mild adult themes, and my own paranoia.
1. Prologue

December 16

Yuki Nagato sat silently in her corner. The temperature this afternoon was lower than normal, and she was almost shivering.

Error. Humanoid Interfaces should not shiver.

The errors were accumulating. They led to unusual impulses. They had first become a matter of serious concern to Nagato during the time loop the previous summer, but they had begun before then. She had assumed before that they were simply random blips that occurred in all programs, and nothing serious. The first time that she had noticed a serious error was during the first SOS Brigade search for unusual phenomena. In the afternoon, she was paired with Kyon. Since they did not expect to find any unusual phenomena, they had simply gone to the library. She had read for several hours. Kyon had suddenly approached her, displaying the external signs of the human emotion typically referred to as "panic". He had apparently just received a call from Haruhi Suzumiya demanding a justification for their absence at the meeting point. The first error was her own impulse to remain in the library, even though her mission was to monitor Suzumiya.

Humanoid Interfaces should not have independent desires, especially if they are potentially detrimental to the mission.

That was the more disconcerting error, as it directly affected her ability to function. Fortunately, Kyon had intervened by obtaining a library card for her, which would allow her to temporarily take books from the library, including the one she had been engrossed in reading. The next error had seemed less problematic at the time. It was an impulse to somehow reciprocate the action which Kyon had performed on her behalf.

Later, she had researched this impulse. She found that it corresponded to a human emotion referred to as "gratitude". For humans, a necessary component of reciprocal altruism, which was itself a mechanism of group cohesion and survival. Normal and necessary for humans.

But she was not a human. And gratitude was dangerous to her mission. It may inhibit or impel actions that might become necessary to the mission in the future. Occasional errors, she knew, were a necessary result of even a limited capacity for imitating humans, which was necessary for her mission. Interfaces with more imitative capacity could also become unstable more easily. This, Nagato reflected, may have been part of the reason why Ryoko Asakura became unstable.

Later errors, related to her interactions with the SOS Brigade members, soon became a matter of greater concern. And rather than resolving themselves, the errors were accumulating.

The door opened, and Kyon entered the room. "Just you, Nagato?" he asked. She just turned her head and blinked. She knew that Kyon understood. She turned her head back to the book she was reading. Kyon's footsteps were audible. Nagato knew that his first action would be to turn on the space heater. Kyon seemed to have very little tolerance for cold, as evidenced by his tendency to sit in front of the space heater, his tendency to wear several layers of clothing in the winter, and his frequent complaints about the cold.

Just then, Haruhi Suzumiya entered the room, throwing the door open and causing it to slam against the wall. This was how she had entered in 97.2% of all entrances to the clubroom. Why did this create an impulse on Nagato's part to engage in mild physical violence?

More errors.

A few minutes later, they were all seated around the table. Haruhi Suzumiya asked, loudly, "Do any of you have plans for Christmas Eve?" An irrelevant question. In the unlikely event that any of them did have alternate plans, Haruhi Suzumiya would force them to set those plans aside.

"I know you don't have any plans, Kyon. " said Haruhi. It is inevitable that he wouldn't. After all, Nagato (and Haruhi, presumably) knew that most of Kyon's spare time was spent here, in the clubroom, or in other brigade activities. "I know you don't have much of a social life, and I only asked so you didn't feel like a loser," Haruhi continued speaking to Kyon. This statement defeated the ostensible purpose for the previous question. Why was the impulse to violence recurring?

Error.

"And what if I did have something going on?" replied Kyon. Haruhi merely responded, "Ha. I knew it." Haruhi Suzumiya seemed to embody perfectly the contradictory nature of humans. Nagato could surmise that Kyon was important to Haruhi Suzumiya, and yet she treated him as if he were unimportant, or even offensive to her, depending on the situation. At least she didn't molest him daily, or wager him as a prize for the computer club…

More Errors. Danger levels.

"Yuki, do you have plans?" "No." She never had plans. Her entire purpose was to observe.

And now Haruhi Suzumiya was removing an assortment of objects from a bag. Yuki surmised, based on their appearance and data that she had absorbed from reading, that these were related to "Christmas".

Haruhi Suzumiya temporarily banished Kyon and Koizumi from the room, indicating that she intended to force Mikuru Asahina to undress. The usual struggle ensued, and Nagato temporarily disabled her auditory input to avoid listening to Asahina's squeals of indignation.

When Nagato looked up, she saw Mikuru Asahina dressed in a red suit with white trim. She was also wearing a strange red cap, and white mittens. Haruhi forced her near the door, announcing, "Okay, you can come in now!" She opened the door and Kyon, who had evidently been leaning against the door, fell backwards into the room and onto his back. Nagato scanned for damage. No serious physical harm.

Haruhi Suzumiya pulled Kyon up by his tie, "How dare you peep at Mikuru's panties, you creep!" "I didn't see anything! Honest!" Kyon responded, sounding panicked. Only partially true. Nagato was aware that Kyon was physically attracted to Mikuru Asahina. It disturbed her that her own reaction to this fact was similar that for responding to threats. Definitely an error.

Nagato filtered out the remainder of the conversation, and returned to reading. Irrelevant data followed, including Haruhi Suzumiya saying something about "sex symbol". A few minutes later, Haruhi Suzumiya dismissed the other members.

Yuki walked, as she had so many times before, to her apartment. She attracted attention from several individuals on the way back, probably due to her lack of weather-appropriate attire. She considered buying some heavier outer garments. Besides ameliorating the physical discomfort from the cold, it would make her less conspicuous at this time of year. The latter could be the justification she used if her behavior resulted in a query from another interface.

But the errors were getting more severe. This shouldn't happen. But apparently even a low-imitative-capacity interface like herself could build up errors this severe.

It was an unfortunate situation, from the Data Integration Thought Entity's point of view, that a human, especially one as emotionally volatile as Haruhi Suzumiya, should have so much power at her disposal. The situation of an individual with human emotions and superhuman powers was not one that the Data Integration Thought Entity wanted to replicate. It was a point driven home by Ryoko Asakura's breakdown and attempted termination of Kyon, which could have destabilized Haruhi Suzumiya.

The Entity would not take that risk in the future. If it found out that Yuki Nagato was accumulating errors to the extent she had, she would either be heavily modified, or deleted. So every day, even as she found herself changing, she maintained her façade, lest one of the other interfaces should find out and report back that Nagato was becoming unstable.

Back at her apartment, Nagato read for several hours from a book she had checked out from the city library. This, at least, she enjoyed, and she was grateful to Kyon for helping her to make a library card.

Error. Error.

And, knowing that, she began to despair.

December 17

After sleeping for several hours, Nagato awoke. Her body required sustenance. She had not eaten in 24.3 hours. She noticed that she had gotten up slightly later this morning than usual. For a human this would not create any significant distress, since she still had plenty of time to prepare and travel to school. But this deviation from her normal schedule was just another reminder that sooner or later the breakdown would come.

She changed into the school uniform she wore every day. She walked the same route that she had walked since April. Every day, it was the exact same number of steps. She had eighteen fewer minutes than usual to read before class, due to her delay in waking up this morning.

Classes passed uneventfully, much as they always did. She went to the clubroom to read during lunch.

After classes, Nagato was the first to the clubroom. She read for 17 minutes before Haruhi Suzumiya entered the room.

The crisis was very close now.

Haruhi Suzumiya wanted to decorate. She asked what sort of food they should have. She couldn't decide on anything other than "not crab". This somehow led to a lecture on why Haruhi Suzumiya believed that crabs should have evolved with no shells, so that they would be easier to eat, apparently ignoring that such a trait would actually be maladaptive.

"Haruhi, I think we're out of tinsel," said Kyon. "Fine, then go buy some yourself," replied Haruhi.

Why didn't Haruhi get it herself, if she was so intent on decorating? It occurred to Nagato that Kyon would probably also be expected to pay for the tinsel out of his own pocket, despite his absolute disinterest in decorating. It occurred to Nagato that Haruhi Suzumiya's tendency to use Kyon as a secondary source of funds for Brigade activities must place a significant financial burden on him, which she understood could be a source of mental stress for humans. Unlike herself, Asahina, and Koizumi, Kyon had very finite resources at his disposal. Was that why she was affected by an impulse to defend Kyon against Suzumiya?

Yet another error. And a dangerous one. If Nagato were to act on it, it would almost certainly destabilize Haruhi Suzumiya. Even if she did not destroy the universe, Nagato herself would almost certainly be recalled by the Data Integration Thought Entity. And she knew what would follow.

If only the world couldn't be destroyed by this human on a whim, Nagato thought. If only the Data Integration Thought Entity hadn't sent her to observe Haruhi Suzumiya.

A few minutes later, Haruhi Suzumiya dismissed the brigade members.

It was so cold. And it was dark, as she walked back to her apartment. The same number of steps she had walked this morning. She went to sleep early. Another deviation from her normal activities.

December 18th

Nagato awoke at 12am. The errors were propagating. This was happening faster than she thought.

There was a way. To be free. Of Haruhi Suzumiya. Of the Data Integration Thought Entity. She could do it with Haruhi Suzumiya's own power.

Error. Danger. Abort thought process.

Irrelevant. This couldn't continue. She didn't know what destructive forces Haruhi Suzumiya might call up in the future. What if Haruhi Suzumiya created another centuries-long time loop?

But was this only her choice to make? For some reason, she thought of Kyon. If course, his memories could be altered, along with everyone else's to accept the alternate world. But something caused her to recoil at the possibility.

But what would happen to Kyon if he kept his memories of the old world, but then found himself thrust into a different one? He would probably reject it at first, but was it unreasonable to think that he might come to accept that world? It would be logical, given his reactions to Haruhi Suzumiya. But if he didn't? Would she condemn him to a life miserably placed into a world that wasn't of his choosing? But then again, he hadn't chosen this world, either.

So he would get a choice: Haruhi's world, or the altered world. If he was really determined to return to this life, it would be possible. _I will place an escape program in that world. If this world is what he wants, he can do what is necessary to restore it. As for my memories, there is only one that I wish to keep. I do not want the endless summer, or the cave cricket entity._

But another voice in her mind spoke up. _But what if he rejects the world I create? Then the Data Integration Thought Entity would almost certainly have me deleted. That's a threat I can't allow._ But she could not bring herself to accept that voice's advice. The nature of the errors in her system was such that it was leading to contradictory actions.

Despite these misgivings, Nagato made her way to the location where she would change the world. The process began.

And then the world changed

"Miss Nagato," said Ryoko Asakura in a concerned voice, "what are you doing out here?" "Wha-?" said Yuki Nagato. She didn't know why she was outside, in her school uniform, at all. She didn't know where she was. And what was Miss Asakura doing here, wherever here was? Yuki did know that it was bitterly cold. Her uniform didn't provide any real protection from the temperature, and she shivered uncontrollably.

"I-I must have been…sleepwalking?" she said, uncertainly. "Come with me, Miss Nagato," replied Asakura, "we need to get you inside as quickly as possible. It's too cold to be out, especially with the virus going around. I happened to see you leaving the apartment building, because I got back late. Your eyes were open, and you seemed to be walking very quickly, as if you had something terribly important to do. I wasn't sure what I should do, so I followed and watched you. It's my fault you came out this far. I should have known that people can seem almost completely awake to others, even when they're sleepwalking."

Internally, Yuki sighed. Good Miss Asakura, always looking out for her. It was still a mystery to the chronically shy bookworm why the popular class representative took such an interest in her welfare. She couldn't stand to see the closest person she had to a friend berate herself so harshly, after she had followed Yuki at this hour out of concern for her safety.

"Don't worry…" she started softly, but trailed off. Asakura produced a jacket, which she gave to Yuki, who accepted it gratefully. Her legs, which were barely covered at all by her uniform, were still cold, but the jacket helped warm her upper body. She couldn't help but wonder why Miss Asakura carried an extra jacket with her, since she apparently only chanced to see Yuki leaving the apartment as she was arriving. But she wasn't about to complain. It just showed how well-prepared her friend was for any situation, Yuki supposed. And she felt tired, so tired, as if she had just performed some Herculean task. She supposed it must be the cold getting to her.

Asakura took her by the hand, enveloping Yuki's small and ice-cold hand in her (only slightly) larger and warmer hand, and led her back to the apartment building at a brisk pace.

Asakura let go of Yuki's hand when they entered the building. Although she couldn't explain why, it relieved Yuki greatly when Asakura let go of her hand. Although she would never admit it, for some indefinable reason she was often uncomfortable around Miss Asakura. It bothered her that she should feel uncomfortable around someone who was always so kind to her, but still she couldn't shake that apprehension…

Yuki was temporarily worried that she may have left her keys when she sleepwalked out of her apartment, but to her relief found them in the same pocket they were always in. Once they were back at Yuki's apartment, Yuki thanked Asakura, and gave her back the jacket Asakura had lent her. "You know, Miss Nagato," said Asakura, "we really need to see that you get some warmer clothes for winter. Maybe we could go to the store this Sunday, and I could see about getting you something heavier." "I'll think about it," said Yuki softly. She really felt that she didn't deserve Miss Asakura's generosity, and didn't like to see the girl going to so much trouble on her account.

"You're sure you're all right, Yuki?" asked Miss Asakura. "I'll be okay," replied Yuki. "You know I could never forgive myself if you got hurt, don't you?" asked Asakura. "I understand," said Yuki, though secretly she thought it was a strange thing for Miss Asakura to say. With another concerned look, Asakura left, closing the door behind her.

After Asakura left, Yuki tucked herself under the kotatsu. She was too tired to bother changing into pajamas, and fell into a dreamless slumber almost immediately.

**Author's Note**:

Okay, for a prologue that was way too long.

If you've read this far, you've probably noticed that I'm attributing some sort of latent, unconscious knowledge of events in "Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" to the human version of Nagato, even though she's not supposed to have any memories of it. To that, I would simply say:

We don't really know what she remembers, because we don't have a window on her thoughts like we do with Kyon. And Kyon is a fallible narrator, so just because he doesn't notice something doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

As I'll explain in later author's notes, I think having such knowledge floating around somewhere in her pre-conscious mind explains some of Nagato's actions.

We already know that Nagato is fallible too. "I forgot to recreate the glasses" moment and all that. So she may not have completely expunged her own memories. Or maybe it was deliberate. There are reasons to believe that as well, which I'll elaborate on later. And in the Endless Eight everyone except Haruhi appears to have moments of deja vu (and even she may have had such moments as well. Nobody discussed it with her, so we really don't know), so this isn't without precedent in the series. And even if on one level Nagato wanted to get rid of all but one of her memories, on another level she probably would have rejected getting rid of them completely. They are, after all, a part of who she is, and she obviously put some of her old personality into her human version (like an enjoyment of reading, for example).

The point of all this is that it's not unreasonable, within the plot presented in Disappearance, to suggest that the human version of Nagato may have some traces of her old memories. So I think I can justify it as filling in the blank spaces in the plot, rather than rewriting it


	2. The Meeting

It was cold when she woke up. Although it was warmer in the apartment than it was outside, it was still probably under 14 Celsius inside the building at this hour. Yuki didn't want to come out from under the kotatsu. She lay for several minutes, ignoring the alarm clock which told her it was time to get up. But eventually, she struggled out of bed, shivering. She quickly put on her coat, although she was inside. At least, since she was already in her uniform, she would not have to undress in this cold. She took small, halting steps to her kitchen. There were still some leftovers from the last time Miss Asakura had cooked for her, and some milk in the fridge, which ended up comprising Yuki's breakfast.

As Yuki was gathering up her breakfast, she stubbed her toe on the fridge, and had to bite her tongue to keep from crying out in pain. Why did that happen? It was as if she'd never stubbed her toe before, and yet she knew that she had in the past. Maybe she was just out of sorts from sleepwalking the night before.

As Yuki was eating, she remembered why she had thought it was so strange that Ryoko Asakura should have been outside the apartment building last night. As far as Yuki knew, Miss Asakura had the virus she had warned Yuki about. That was why she wasn't in school yesterday. Maybe she had gone to a clinic, and had just been returning when Yuki sleepwalked out of her apartment. But at midnight? That was strange. Yuki felt a pang of guilt, knowing that Miss Asakura had been walking around in the cold night air, while sick, on her account. Though she hadn't seemed at all sick last night…

As she left her apartment, she had a strange feeling. It was as if she was on the verge of remembering something important, but couldn't quite remember what it was.

She had been having these feelings more frequently of late. It usually happened whenever she chanced to see Kyon at school. She didn't think that was his real name, but she had heard Taniguchi, who at least seemed to be on moderately friendly terms with Kyon, call him that, so Yuki figured it must be a nickname. But this odd feeling, that there was something she should know about him, but didn't, that they had somehow known each other for a long time, was recurrent. But she knew that was impossible. Apart from the time, back in May, when Kyon had helped her to make a library card, he had never spoken a word to her. Yuki figured that she was easily forgettable, and thought that she was the one who should feel bad, since she had never thanked Kyon for helping her.

She wondered if maybe she was going crazy. These instances of déjà vu, or whatever it might be, were affecting her in strange ways. She remembered that when she came across a Japanese subtitled version of an American film about a man who repeats the same day, February 2, indefinitely, she had become oddly enthralled by the plot. And while she understood that the movie was basically comedic, she couldn't help but find the plot, in which the main character found himself repeating the same day over and over, so serious that she got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach during the scenes where the main character was realizing his situation. She couldn't figure out why this bothered her so. It was almost as if something like that had happened to her, and it hadn't been funny at all, it had been horrifying, and it had gone on for so long…but of course Yuki knew that such thoughts were ridiculous. So why were they so compelling?

This line of thought occupied her mind as she walked to school. After entering the building, she walked quickly to the Literary Club room. She still had some time before class started, so she thought she would read until she had to go to her classroom. This was all she needed, Yuki thought. Here, with her books, she could escape the cold, drab world that surrounded her. She considered briefly what she would read. Then she remembered that a book with a collection of science fiction short stories in her bag. It was a public library book. As she opened it, she felt a small pang of guilt, knowing she had never thanked Kyon for helping her with making a library card. Maybe she should just walk up to him and thank him, and then she wouldn't have to have that pang of guilt. But she couldn't do that. He had probably forgotten already, and it would seem weird for her to walk up to Kyon months after the fact to thank him. She already had a reputation as the weird glasses girl, after all, and Kyon might be embarrassed if she approached him with such an odd reason in front of his classmates. So she tried to push the thoughts from her mind and enjoy the book.

After Yuki had finished two stories, the warning bell for first period rang. Reluctantly, she marked her place with a slip of paper, reshelved the book, and gathered her schoolbooks for class.

Yuki walked quietly to her seat in the back of the classroom, next to the window. The first period class for her was English. As someone who was fluent in both Japanese and English, Yuki found the class boring to the extreme, while always getting top marks on her exams. Although most of her classmates didn't know, due to the girl's extreme shyness, she was actually extremely intelligent, and had taught herself English by the time she was twelve. When she commented on English-language websites online, people didn't know she wasn't a native English speaker unless she told them herself.

The next class was advanced algebra. Although Yuki didn't have the same passion for mathematics that she had for literature, this was also a fairly easy subject for her. A lot of the material the class was covering right now was going right over many of the students' heads, at least if marks on the most recent exam were any indication. "How can you call yourselves' Japanese when you're apparently this incompetent at mathematics?" the instructor fumed, "Of course, it's not everyone in this room. Miss Nagato scored a 95% on the last exam. Maybe you should try to be more like her." Yuki turned her head downward and blushed slightly at this unwanted bit of recognition. She hated being put on the spot. If she had been any other student, she knew that heads would be turning her way, some with looks of admirations, others with envy. But none turned her way. Her fellow students, save one or two, just looked quizzically at the instructor, as if it was news to them that there was a Miss Nagato in their class. The only student in the class who knew her even remotely, Miss Kimidori, was absent today, probably with the virus that was going around.

At lunch, Yuki quietly shuffled up to the literary club room. She didn't eat lunch most days, and just went to the club room to read. She shied away from the strange glances she got from her classmates as she left the classroom. She felt like she should be used to it by now. She thought she heard someone whispering, "wait, is that Nagato?" She walked more quickly, hoping to escape the room before she heard more. On the way to the clubroom, she saw Kyon running down a hallway perpendicular to the one she walking down, looking frantic. She hoped it was nothing too serious, as she climbed the stairs to her little domain. She went back to the book she was reading before. She found that the third story, in addition to being science fiction, was also a love story. The main character was a traveler from another dimension who fell in love with a woman he met in one of the alternate dimensions he traveled to. For some undefinable reason, she was enthralled by the story, and was disappointed when the warning bell for the second half of the day rang, forcing her to stop halfway through.

The second half of classes passed uneventfully, although Yuki heard some conversation a few desks to her right about a student in another class who had apparently gone crazy and assaulted another student. The nameless student had also apparently gotten into some sort of argument with Ryoko Asakura. The speaker wondered aloud if maybe the virus that was going around hadn't turned into a brain infection, and caused the hapless student to go crazy. It scared Yuki a little to hear about it, but she didn't give the story too much thought. She was glad to know, however, that Miss Asakura was back at school, which presumably meant she was feeling better. Yuki returned to the club room after the last bell for the day rang. She reopened the story she was reading before, picking up where she left off. She continued to read. The traveler was obsessed with finding a way back to his own dimension, but still found himself falling in love with the quiet woman who first met and helped in him in the alternate dimension. In the last scene, they confessed their love to each other, right before the traveler departed. Yuki found tears collecting in her eyes. She didn't like the way this ended. Maybe it was because the female character in the book reminded her so much of herself, a lonely, isolated orphan who was mostly ignored by the people around her.

She wiped her tears away. Why was she so bent out of shape over a fictional character, she wondered? Because she imagined herself in that role, and imagined Kyon as the interdimensional traveler, of course. Why she thought of him this way was unclear to her. It wasn't healthy. Then again, the snippets of short stories that she had written in the word processing program on the computer, in which she imagined them both being in the Literary Club, and where she had to work up the courage to eventually confess her feelings to Kyon, might seem a product of unhealthy obsession to some people. The point is, it was nothing new. But it was something she enjoyed doing nonetheless. Come to think of it, she should probably move those files. As it was, anybody who logged onto the computer could see them.

At that moment, the door to the literary club room opened slowly. Yuki was surprised to see that the visitor was none other than Kyon. For his part, he also seemed surprised to see her. Yuki felt like this had happened before. Had he been looking for someone else, and accidentally gone to the wrong room? But that didn't seem to be the case, as he said, in a relieved voice, "Thank God you're here." So apparently Kyon was looking for her? Why? He closed the door behind him, only to look suddenly perplexed again, and stare at her as if she were some strange creature that he had only just noticed. "Nagato!" he said sharply.

Yuki caught herself gaping at the visitor. She looked down, embarrassed, and then looked back at Kyon. She couldn't think of anything to say, another than, "Yes?" Kyon continued, "I know this is going to sound weird but…do you know who I am?" Yuki wondered what he meant? Was he referring to the time he had helped her get a library card? Was he angry that she had seemed ungrateful by simply walking away without a word? Of course, she knew very little about him. She found herself self-consciously touching her hair as she considered her answer. "I do," she replied. Kyon said, "I was hoping you'd say that, because I know a few things about you too!" What things? thought Yuki, as she gasped softly. Kyon asked, "Do you mind if I tell you what I know?" Yuki just stared downward. What could she say? Kyon continued, "For starters, you aren't human. You're actually sort of a robotic human hybrid thing, made by the Data Integration Thought Entity. And you have these powers, like magic, that you use to save us sometimes. You made a bat that hit only home runs, and fought a giant cricket in another dimension." He paused slightly, and then said, "Anyway, that's the stuff I know about you. Am I wrong?"

Yuki wasn't sure whether to be offended, scared, or incredulous. What was Kyon talking about? Was this a joke? A prank on the science fiction-obsessed bookworm? But it seemed so out of character for the kind boy she knew from the library. Maybe he was forced into it by his schoolmates? But another possibility lurked at the back of Yuki's mind, one that she didn't want to consider: Maybe he's crazy, and actually believes everything he's saying. She remembered what she'd heard earlier about a student going crazy. She had assumed that the student had been sent home, or to the hospital, or maybe even taken away by the police. She also remembered Kyon running down a hallway at lunch, looking frantic. Was he the one who had gone crazy? If so, should she be scared that he was suddenly coming up here, spouting delusions?

It took Yuki a few seconds to think all of this, and consider her answer. She decided that in any case, she was best off being honest. "I'm sorry," she began, "I know you're a student here and you're in class 5. So yes, I've seen you around." She didn't mention that he was the person who had helped her at the library. She assumed he must already know that. "But I'm afraid that's pretty much all I know about you. Actually, this is the first time I've ever spoken to you." She noticed that while she was speaking, Kyon's expression changed, almost to one of anger, and he began to tremble. "So what you're saying is…you're not an alien?" Kyon asked. "Alien?" Yuki asked, still confused. "And the name Haruhi Suzumiya…you don't remember it?" continued Kyon. "No," Yuki replied, perplexed.

Why was he talking to her, after all these months, just to start asking some of the weirdest questions she had ever heard? She had no idea who Haruhi Suzumiya was. And yet…there was that feeling of déjà vu again, as if she should remember it, but simply couldn't. These musings were stopped when Kyon yelled, "But you have to! Think back and try to remember!" He advanced toward Yuki, heedlessly toppling a pile of books she had put on the table. Yuki winced slightly at this, but she was more scared of what Kyon was going to do next. He was talking like a crazy person. She stood up quickly, thinking to run, but freezing and simply holding the book she had been reading to her chest, hoping to somehow protect herself from this person who had apparently changed overnight from a normal, kindly high school student to a raving madman. She wondered if she should yell for help, but all she could get out was a soft whimper.

Kyon grabbed Yuki by the shoulders, "Don't you remember this last summer when we had to repeat the same two weeks fifteen thousand times!?" He shook her slightly. Why did she have that insane feeling of déjà vu? "Come on, try to remember! Everyone we know changed between yesterday and today! Haruhi's gone, but Asakura's here! You know who's responsible for it, don't you!? Was it the Data Integration Thought Entity? If Asakura's been resurrected, you'd know about it wouldn't you? She's the same as you, right? What the hell is going on!? You're the only one who can tell me what's happening! You've always been able to, remember?" As he said this, Kyon pushed Yuki backward, eventually pinning her to the wall. Was she going to die? She was terrified. She should yell. She should scream. But all she could bring herself to do was to utter a plea, softly, "Stop it!" To her surprise, Kyon stopped. And a second later he released his grip on her shoulders. Yuki's eyes were closed, but she heard Kyon stumble back a few steps and knock against the table, at which she opened her eyes. She saw a look of horror on his face, as he looked at the hands that had pushed her against the wall a moment before. She was still terrified. She could feel herself trembling all over. Why wasn't she running? It was obvious that there was something wrong with Kyon and yet…somehow what he had said struck a chord with her. About the two weeks they'd had to repeat fifteen thousand times? But that was crazy! She didn't remember anything like that. And yet…she felt like she should.

"I'm so sorry," Kyon apologized, "I didn't mean to freak out on you like that." Yuki was still huddled against the wall, her thin arms holding her book to her chest. "I just wanted to make sure, that was all," said Kyon. What did that mean? Kyon suddenly sat down in the chair that Yuki had previously occupied, covering his face with his hands. He remained like that for half a minute, at least. Yuki remained standing against the wall, not sure of what she should do next. She stared at Kyon, trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the last few minutes. Sitting down, his face in his hands, he looked utterly broken and defeated, and she felt sorry for him. Whatever this was, Yuki didn't think it was a joke. Suddenly he looked up again. Yuki flinched, worried that a second assault was coming. Instead, Kyon got up from the chair, offering it back to her, said "sorry" again, and then unfolded a second chair and sat down in it, looking completely dazed and utterly dejected. He put his face in his hands again. When he lifted his face and looked at Yuki, she turned her face away from his, embarrassed to have been caught staring.

Eventually, Kyon rose from his seat again. He spoke to her abruptly, "Nagato, would it be okay if I used your computer for a bit?" It was a strange request, but Yuki felt no harm could come from it. Kyon at least seemed to be calm now. Then she remembered the files containing her stories. She would be incredibly embarrassed if Kyon, of all people, were to find them. "Not yet," she said, powering up the computer. She moved all the files to an encrypted folder as Kyon remained on the opposite side of the room. She noticed that while he was waiting for her to lend him the computer, Kyon gathered up the books he knocked to the ground earlier, and set them in their original place. He looked as if he felt guilty, and was trying to make amends. Yuki was still a little afraid of him for his original outburst, but she was starting to think he wasn't crazy. Of course, with all he had said, the only logical conclusion would be that he was either crazy or playing a bad joke on her, but for some reason she felt an irrational belief that there was some element of truth to what Kyon had said. Then again, she considered her doubts about her own mental stability, her odd moments of déjà vu, and wondered if she was a good judge of such things.

Once the files were moved to a secure folder, she offered Kyon the computer. "Okay," she said, standing up from the chair and moving away from the table. "Thank you," Kyon replied, as he sat down in front of it. He seemed to be searching through all the files. What was he looking for? Had somebody found out about the stories she had written, and decided it would be funny to tell Kyon about them? Was that what he was searching for? Yuki didn't know. That wouldn't really explain his earlier outburst either. She noticed Kyon typing in the name "Mikuru" in a file search field. Why would he be doing that? Yuki knew, vaguely, of a Mikuru Asahina who was a junior at their school, but she couldn't figure out what significance she might have to Kyon. Eventually, he seemed to give up. "Sorry to bother you," Kyon said. "Are you finished?" asked Yuki. "Yeah, I couldn't find the thing I was looking for." Cryptic as ever.

Kyon slowly picked up his bag and headed for the door, apparently intending to leave. I should just let him go now, thought Yuki. Or maybe she should call a doctor for him. Logically, he must be suffering from some sort of brain fever, but apart from his initial outburst, he didn't seem delirious. And she wanted to learn more about him. At least, that's how she rationalized her next action to herself later. "Wait!" she said suddenly. Kyon stopped and turned around. She went to the bookcase, where she also kept the literary club application forms (These were actually from last year, as she was currently the one and only member of the club, whose other members had already graduated). She grabbed one, walked quickly over to Kyon, and offered it to him. "Take one, if you want," she said. He regarded it silently, and then left. She wasn't sure what to make of that.

As Yuki walked home, she was depressed. When Kyon had come into the room, and said, "Thank God you're here," she had hoped, irrationally perhaps, that everything she had fantasized about had come true, that her crush was there to confess his love to her. Then it turned out that he apparently thought she was an alien, that Asakura had been "resurrected" (what was that about?), and that Yuki should remember someone named Haruhi, and should also remember repeating part of the last summer fifteen thousand times. That last part disturbed her a little, because it seemed to ring a bell. She thought of the strange significance that movie, about the man who repeated the same day over and over, held for her.

That, and the fact that she had longed for months to have the chance to speak to him, explained why she had implicitly invited him to return to the Literary Club. But she doubted he would come back. Whatever business Kyon apparently felt he had there, he had also apparently finished. As she ate some rice and drank some milk for dinner, Yuki wondered again if this was someone's idea of a joke on her. While she couldn't bring herself to believe that Kyon would maliciously do something like that, she couldn't rule out that maybe someone wanted to play a joke on the bookworm, and had found a way to force him into it. Blackmail, perhaps? Had Kyon cheated on an exam, or something, out of desperation, and had someone else who really disliked Yuki found out and used the knowledge as leverage? Paranoid, much? She thought to herself. Maybe one of the people in her math class had recognized her name, and been annoyed by being shown up by her, and so had decided on a petty revenge. But she remembered the look of horror on Kyon's face, and the utterly defeated look he had as he realized she was not who he apparently thought she was. It was all too perplexing.

After she finished her homework, Yuki readied herself to sleep. As she pulled the blanket over her frail body, she noticed tears pulling in her eyes. Don't worry about it, she thought to herself. You don't need to get so worked up about one boy. You have your books, and Miss Asakura, and you don't have to worry about why Kyon was acting so strangely. With those thoughts, she went to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

At the risk of beating anyone reading this over the head with my conjecture about Yuki having moments of déjà vu, I wanted to point out that I thought they were really important to this chapter. My hypothesis is that part of the reason why Nagato didn't call the men in white coats on Kyon, was that some of what he was saying concurred with feelings of déjà vu she'd been having, kind of in a reversal of the situation in the Endless Eight, where Yuki remembers everything and everyone else just has flashes of déjà vu. But still being Nagato, of course, she doesn't actually let the other characters, including Kyon, know this, hence why in the Disappearance plot from Kyon's perspective, there's no indication of Yuki having any memory of pre-December 18 events, other than the moment at the library. She's much more like the Nagato Kyon already knows than he picks up on, because the other Nagato couldn't express herself as completely.


	3. The Return of Kyon

The Return of Kyon

Yuki woke up shivering the next morning. It was even colder today than yesterday. She shivered as she changed from her plain green pajamas into her school uniform, and then put on her coat. There was no food left in her fridge. She needed to stop by the store today. It wasn't right to depend so much on Asakura to make sure she was eating enough. And she might not be bringing anything over tonight. She happened to meet with Miss Asakura in the elevator. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Miss Asakura," said Yuki softly. "Thank you, Miss Nagato," replied Miss Asakura. Curious about what Kyon had said to her the previous day about Asakura, Yuki asked if anything strange had happened at school yesterday. "As a matter of fact," said Miss Asakura in her normal, sweet voice, "something very strange happened. The boy who sits in front of me in class apparently thought I wasn't supposed to be there. He said someone named Haruhi was supposed to be there. And he seemed terrified of me. "

So Kyon was the person who was being talked about, Yuki thought. "Why do you ask?" said Asakura. "No reason," said Yuki, "I just heard people in my class talking about it." For some reason, she felt a sense of foreboding at the idea of telling Miss Asakura about her run-in with Kyon yesterday. Asakura seemed to regard Yuki almost as a younger sister, and Yuki was sure that if she told her, Asakura would feel compelled to protect her. She might call the police on Kyon…or possibly something more drastic. Yuki couldn't imagine what that would be, or why she had thought that. But for some reason she felt that Kyon had good reason to be afraid of his class representative. And now that Yuki thought about it, she had always felt vaguely uncomfortable around the blue-haired girl, as if the kind, caring neighbor was only a façade hiding something far more sinister underneath. I really am going crazy, thought Yuki. Asakura gave her friend a concerned look, but did not question her further. What a terrible thing to think. Asakura had never been anything but kind to her.

As they walked to school together, Asakura talked about how on Sunday they would go to the store to find something warmer for Yuki to wear for the winter. She noted how Yuki was shivering as they walked to school. "It's not good for your health, you know, not dressing warmly enough. Also, you're eating right, aren't you Miss Nagato? You're looking very piqued. I might come over with something this evening." Yuki mumbled something about how she had forgotten to go to the grocery yesterday, and just needed to remember to do that today.

When they arrived, Asakura walked to her class, the same class that Kyon was in, but not before giving Yuki another concerned look, and telling her to take care of herself. Yuki went up to the literary club room. She half hoped, half feared that Kyon would be there. But when she arrived, she was the only one there. She tried to read the book she had been interrupted in reading yesterday, but found herself unable to concentrate, her thoughts drifting. The little world that she had made for herself in that room had been intruded upon, and now she was having trouble restoring order. And it was because, when she was honest with herself, she wanted her solitary existence to change. She didn't want to be the shy, withdrawn bookworm forever. She wanted someone to love her. She wanted Kyon, specifically, to love her. She couldn't explain why she was so attached to him. Yes, he had helped her make a library card, but he hadn't shown her anything near the constant care and attention that Miss Asakura lavished on her. Did he? Once again that irrational conviction that more had happened between them than that single instance at the library. And there were other boys in the school. While Yuki didn't consider herself a great beauty, she knew that she was at least as cute-looking as the average girl at their school. It shouldn't be too hard for her to find a nice boyfriend. So why did she long for Kyon so much?

She tried to banish the thoughts from her mind. She went to class a little earlier than she normally did. She decided to try to get a bit ahead on her homework. If she was going to the store today that would take away time from her schedule, so she wouldn't have as much time to get her homework done. And maybe she could forget about everything else for a while if she concentrated on homework. Classes passed uneventfully. During lunch Yuki did work at her desk. From the conversations going on around her, she gathered that Kyon had obtained quite a bit of notoriety in just one day.

After classes were over, Yuki climbed the stairs to the Literary Club again. How many times had she done this, she wondered? Practically every day since arriving at school, apart from breaks. How many days was that? She was mentally calculating the number of days she had been at school since April, temporarily ignoring the book open in her lap, which she had checked out from the city library a few days ago but hadn't yet gotten around to reading, when she heard a knock on the door. Who could that be? Was it Kyon? Slightly unsure of herself, Yuki said, in a voice slightly louder than her normal volume, "Come in." To her amazement, Kyon had returned. He said simply, "Hi. Is it okay that I came?" She nodded slightly. So far, so good. He went over to the chair in front of the computer, and sat down. After half a minute, he asked, "Um, are all those books on the shelf yours?" "Nuh-uh," said Yuki, "some of them have been here all along." She sat silently for a moment and then said, "I, uh, I borrowed this one," indicating the book in her lap, "from the city library." She was wondering if this would be the right time to thank him for helping her make a library card. It seemed like a good way to segue into that conversation, maybe to jog his memory in case he had forgotten. But Kyon just looked at her and said, "Really?" in a voice that suggested he wasn't really that interested.

He sat there for a while. The late afternoon changed to the early evening of winter. By now, Yuki had given up on going to the store today. She didn't want to leave before Kyon left. What if he said something important?

Kyon, for his part, did his homework and then, apparently having either completed it or given up on it, put it back in his bag. He made some tea, and indicated that Yuki was welcome to have some. She accepted quietly. Kyon poured her a cup, and then a cup for himself, which he drank slowly while standing in front of the darkening window.

Suddenly, he began to walk around the clubroom, pacing around the table before sitting down in the same chair in front of the computer. This made Yuki a little nervous, but she was much less uncomfortable than she had been the previous day. For some reason it even made her feel a little happy just to be near him, even though only a few words had passed between the two of them the whole time. Kyon asked, "So, just wondering, have you ever tried writing a novel yourself?"

Yuki was a little surprised, and worried by the question. Did he know about, or suspect, the stories she had written about him and herself, and was somehow using this as a way to probe for information? Still, Yuki hardly considered them novel material, so it wasn't completely a lie when she said she hadn't. Kyon didn't look as if he believed her entirely, but he didn't question her further. He clicked the mouse on the computer several times, as if he was looking for something. Yuki made a small, worried, sound, and Kyon stopped what he was doing, and Yuki returned to her reading.

Suddenly, Kyon stood up from his chair, disturbing Yuki, and grabbed a book, from the shelf. That was one of the books Yuki hadn't read yet. Kyon flipped through the pages quickly, as if looking for something important. Something fell out of the book, and he grabbed at it like a drowning man grasping for a lifeline. This was strange to Yuki. It was almost as if Kyon had been expecting to find something in that book. Then Kyon stood up and, holding the bookmark in his right hand, marched over to Yuki's chair. He held the bookmark towards her, and asked, almost in an accusatory tone, "Are you the one who wrote this?"

Yuki looked at the bookmark, and noticed that there was indeed a message written on it, and it did look like her handwriting. But the message made no sense: "Collect the keys necessary to activate the program. Time Limit is two days." She replied to Kyon, "It looks my handwriting, but I don't remember writing anything like that." "Of course you don't," said Kyon. His tone wasn't disgusted or annoyed, just matter-of-fact, as if he had been remarking that it was cold outside. "Actually, it's fine. I'd be more worried if you did write it."

What was going on? She knew she hadn't written anything like that, and yet there it was in her own handwriting. She wished Kyon would explain what he thought this was. Yuki was founding herself more inclined to believe things even if they sounded weird.

Kyon walked a short distance, faced the window, and actually looked happy for the first time since she had seen him yesterday. He also looked as if he was about to weep. He hid his face in the crook of arm for a second before laying it at his side again. He looked at the mysterious bookmark again, smiling. But then his expression changed again. Kyon looked pensive for a few seconds, and then rushed over to the bookcase, and began pulling out other books and flipping through the pages as he had done before. It was as if he was searching for something else.

Yuki stared as Kyon searched desperately through the books. Apparently he found the message written on the bookmark as cryptic as she had, and was searching for some other clue. Yuki eventually returned to reading her book, slowly turning the pages as her odd companion rummaged through all of the books on the shelf. He eventually reshelved them all, though, Yuki noted with slight annoyance, he didn't put them back in the right order. But at least he tried.

He sat down again, and stared at Yuki. She was uncomfortable under his gaze, unsure of exactly what he expected her to be doing. She flinched slightly and made a nervous sound several times, bowing her head to avoid eye contact. Why did she have to be so shy? Maybe if she just told him "Thank you" for the time at the library, he would remember, and it would somehow get rid of this tension she was feeling.

At length, Kyon stood up and said, "Well, I guess I'll be going home now." Yuki said, "okay," and got up herself. "You weren't waiting for me to leave, were you?" Kyon asked. She had been, of course. She couldn't answer, instead simply holding her book close to her and walking to get her coat and scarf.

She found, as she left, that Kyon was walking beside her. She wasn't sure how to react. She supposed she was glad that he was with her. That was why she had waited until he decided to leave the club, wasn't it?

She had never, in her recollection, walked home with a boy before. But his actions were so mysterious, she didn't know how to react to anything he did. It was pretty clear he wasn't there to confess his undying affection for her. And he clearly had other things on his mind that had nothing to do with her. So why did he seem to feel the need to be near to her? Was it a sense of obligation on his part? As they walked alongside each other, he asked, "Do you live alone?" "Yes," replied Yuki. How did he know that? Was it just her general shyness and social awkwardness that made him assume that she must not have a lot of human contact, even at home? Did somebody else tell him? The only person she knew of who was aware of her living arrangements was Miss Asakura, and she didn't think that Asakura would tell anyone at school about it.

A few seconds later, he asked, "Have you ever considered getting a cat? They're pretty cool, you know. And the weird thing is sometimes it seems like they can understand what you're saying." Maybe, thought Yuki, but since she was already solitary, there was no reason for her to complete the image of the crazy, shut-in cat lady. Besides, her apartment complex didn't allow pets, which was what she told Kyon. He seemed way more eccentric than she had imagined he would be. Cats understanding what people said? That didn't make any sense at all. And yet the weird thing was that at some level, everything he was saying seemed reasonable, as irrational as it sounded on the surface.

As they approached the mini-mart, where she would turn to go to her apartment, the tension was building. Yuki felt as if she should ask Kyon to come to her apartment. But why? What would she accomplish by doing that? This wasn't a doujin. It wasn't like she was going to ask him to have sex with her after knowing him for only a day. She wasn't like that at all, and she didn't think that Kyon was like that either. She just felt as if she could only tell him how they had first met if they were somewhere private. As they passed the mini-mart, she stopped, and said, "Wait," as Kyon walked ahead. He turned. "Will you come?" she asked. "Where?" Kyon inquired in reply. "To my apartment," said Yuki, slightly embarrassed.

When they entered her apartment, Kyon seemed to be acting more strangely than before. He looked as if he somehow knew what her apartment was supposed to look like. As she turned on the power to warm the kotatsu, he was staring at her like she really was an alien. "Is something wrong?" she asked. "Uh, nothing," he said hurriedly. A little bit later, he asked "Nagato, is it all right if I take a look in here?" indicating the door to the sideroom. "Uh, yeah, go ahead," said Yuki. "I'll just be a sec," Kyon said. As she walked past him, she noticed Kyon moving his hands around the threshold, as if he was feeling for something. What was he expecting? A forcefield? Did he really think she was an alien or something? Whatever he was looking for, he gave up after a few seconds, and went to sit at the kotatsu.

Yuki brought the tea over to the table, and poured a cup. As she handed the cup to Kyon, he said, "Thank you". She was surprised by the words, and flinched a little, drawing her hand away from him suddenly. Inside, she was frustrated. Why did she always react like that whenever people talked to her? She wished she could be someone else, like Asakura, who dealt so easily with everyone. Failing at that, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she just didn't show any emotions at all, rather than displaying them awkwardly as she did. For some reason this thought called up another moment of déjà vu. This had happened several times in the past day and a half. It was as if Kyon made these moments more frequent by his very presence. Was that why she was drawn to him?

But she had a task to accomplish. She felt it was important to tell him about the time at the library. She couldn't think of a logical reason why this should be very important to Kyon, but it felt important to her. At least she could thank him. After a halting start, she said, "I uh, I met you. I mean, we've met before…outside of school, once." "We did?" said Kyon, sounding surprised. "Remember?" asked Yuki. "No, I don't". "We met at the library." Kyon made a sound that might have signaled astonishment. Why was he reacting like this? Did this have some significance to Kyon that Yuki wasn't aware of? Or was he surprised that she remembered? "It was back in May of this year," said Yuki, "and you…got me a library card." She looked down, avoiding Kyon's eyes. They were both silent for a few seconds, after which Kyon said, "Nagato, could you tell me more about that day?" Something in his tone of voice told Yuki that this was somehow very important to him, so she tried to be as detailed as possible in her answer.

"It was mid-May," she started, not able to look at Kyon directly, "It was my first time going to the public library. I didn't know what I had to do to get a library card. The library was crowded that day, and the librarians looked like they were busy. I didn't want to bother them. I have a hard time talking to strangers, especially when I'm asking them for something. So I just stood there and felt sorry for myself. And then someone came up to me. He went through the whole process to get me a library card. He even did the paperwork for it. When I got my card, I just left. That person was you. I always felt guilty for not thanking you that day. So I was surprised when I saw you at school." She lifted her head, making eye contact with Kyon, "So thank you," she said. She knew this would all seem so trivial to most people, but to her it was very hard to get all that out. But afterwards she felt slightly better having said it. Maybe she wouldn't feel that pang of guilt whenever she opened a book she had gotten from the library, knowing she had not thanked the person who made it possible.

Kyon's reaction was hard to gauge. For some reason he seemed to be hanging on to every word she had said, which wasn't what Yuki had expected at all. He looked pensive again. The tension of keeping eye contact was too much for Yuki, and she turned her head downwards again, absently moving her index finger around the lid of the teapot. She wished he would say something. Anything. Whether to tell her that she was welcome for the favor, and it was nothing, or even to complain at her for wasting his time just to tell him about this inconsequential event. This silence was unbearable. As these thoughts passed through her mind, the doorbell rang. Yuki got up and walked over to her phone. She secretly hoped it wasn't Asakura, although she couldn't think of who else it could be. She didn't get the impression that Kyon and Asakura were on the friendliest of terms right now. "Hello," she answered, picking up the phone. "Hi Yuki," replied the ever-cheerful voice of Ryoko Asakura, "May I come in?" "Well, now's a little…" Yuki trailed off as Asakura chimed in, "I insist." "Oh, okay," said Yuki. What else could she say? She didn't want to seem ungrateful to her concerned friend. And to be honest, she was hungry, and Asakura was probably bringing food over. Yuki didn't need to eat a whole lot. Her hobbies didn't exactly involve a lot of physical activity, so she didn't burn many calories, but even she got hungry after going a whole day without eating. And between her hunger and her stress, she was starting to have a severe headache. She hung up the phone and said, "Wait here," to Kyon.

When Yuki opened the door, Asakura was holding a large cooking pot, and said, "Hello Miss Nagato, I brought you something to eat." Yuki followed Miss Asakura nervously as she went down the hall. How would she and Kyon react to seeing each other? "Oh, what are you doing here?" said the blue-haired girl, with just the faintest hint of apprehension in her voice. Kyon, apparently shocked, replied, "What are you doing here?" "Well, I guess you could say I'm doing volunteer work," said Asakura, "But I think it's far more unusual that you're here." "Volunteer work", that was an interesting way of putting it. Yuki went to the kitchen to get bowls and utensils. From the other room she heard voices.

Yuki listened intently through the thin walls, "Sometimes I make extra and bring some over for Miss Nagato. It's the only way I know she's eating enough," she heard Miss Asakura say. Yuki felt herself blush with shame. She supposed Kyon must be thinking how weak and dependent she must be. Still, it wasn't going as badly as Yuki had feared. Kyon sounded tense, but at least he wasn't yelling, and Asakura sounded normal.

But as she returned from the kitchen, she was dismayed to see Kyon gathering his bag, apparently to depart. He walked past her, saying, "Sorry to bother you." No, she didn't want him to leave. She didn't know what to say. His back was already to her. Balancing the dinnerware in one arm, Yuki desperately grabbed onto his sleeve. Kyon turned around.

At first Yuki couldn't look him in the eye. She felt her cheeks get hot, as if she was blushing. After a second, she worked up the courage to raise her head, if anything just to see how Kyon would react. Would he be annoyed? Would he pull his arm away from her and just walk away? She turned her face away from him again, suddenly afraid of being rejected. Then he said, "You know, I think I will stay for dinner." Surprised, Yuki looked straight at him, her eyes wide. Kyon continued, "In fact, if I don't eat something soon, I might pass out on the way home."

If Yuki were a typical girl, she would have giggled a little at the deadpan way he uttered this last statement. But being herself, she just let go of his sleeve, and carried the dishes over to the table, her mirth contained. "Thank you for coming back," said Asakura, "food tastes better when it's eaten with company, don't you think?" Yuki couldn't help but think that her friend sounded slightly insincere in this statement, as if she really wished that Kyon hadn't decided to stay. Still, during dinner she talked cheerfully enough. She mentioned seeing a scarf at the train station that would look oh so kawaii on Yuki, and offered to get it for her as a Christmas present. Yuki said she would think about it. Although she was grateful for everything Asakura did for her, the doting, paternalistic attitude her friend had towards her sort of wore Yuki out at times. And she couldn't help but think that Asakura was making her older-sisterly attitude towards Yuki as apparent as she could in order to signal to Kyon that if he tried anything with Yuki, he would answer to Ryoko Asakura.

And, Yuki observed, Kyon himself looked almost like a condemned prisoner eating his last meal, or maybe a soldier eating a hurried repast before heading into a deadly battle. Apparently he really was nervous around Asakura. Yuki couldn't figure out why this should be, though her feeling of vague discomfort that she sometimes felt around her friend seemed more relevant now. But the meal passed without incident, and Yuki felt better afterwards. Her headache was going away. Asakura readied herself to leave. She said she'd come by the following day to pick up the cooking pot, and that Yuki should put away the leftovers in her fridge after they cooled. As Kyon was putting on his shoes to leave, he turned towards Yuki and said, "Uh, hey…can I come back to the clubroom tomorrow? I don't really have anyplace else to go." She couldn't believe her ears. Kyon was asking to come back. Did this mean…he wanted to spend more time with her? As her mind ran through all the implications in those two sentences, she was aware of smiling, just a little, and of nodding her head. She wasn't quite sure what to make of Kyon's reaction to this. He looked almost as if he had seen a ghost. But he was coming back tomorrow. That was the important thing.

After Kyon left, Yuki spent several minutes pondering the implications. In her mind, she imagined them gradually growing closer. One day, maybe, he would ask her out to a movie, or dinner, or both, and then still later they would kiss and…wait, where was she going with this? All he had done was to say that he was coming back to the clubroom. But at the very least, maybe he could become a friend of hers. For someone like Yuki, who could really only count Asakura as her friend, that was something important in itself. Yuki knew that the tension between Kyon and Asakura was an issue that would have to be dealt with if Kyon got closer to her, but the mere fact that her life might change in a way that required her to manage those close to her made her feel happy.

Her reverie was interrupted by a phone call. She picked up. "Yuki, are you okay?" said Asakura. "I…I guess. Why?" Yuki replied. "I was just wondering why Kyon was in your apartment. He didn't force his way in, did he?" "No, I invited him in. We just happen to live out in the same direction from school, and he stopped for tea. I think he's also interested in joining the literary club." "Yuki, please be careful," said her friend pleadingly, "If you got hurt, I could never forgive the person who did it. But I could also never forgive myself for letting it happen." "Why are you so worried about Kyon and myself?" asked Yuki. She was surprised by the tone of annoyance that came into her voice, and to judge by how Asakura's voice changed, she was surprised too.

"Yuki I…I just worry about you, that's all. You're like a sister to me. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. I'm sorry if I went a bit too far. You're as old as I am, and just as capable of making your own decisions. But I don't really trust Kyon. Yesterday, he was like a crazy person, and Miss Tsuruya said that he tried to assault Miss Asahina. And this morning he asked me if I had ever thought about killing him, as if it were a completely normal thing to ask someone! Maybe he caught the virus and it made him a little delirious-he seemed better this evening than this morning, and he was more calm this morning than he was yesterday-but can't you see why I would be worried that he just happened to be in your apartment?" Ryoko's voice was becoming more strained, and she sounded on the verge of tears. This made Yuki feel terrible. She knew that Asakura was just looking out for her, and she wished she hadn't snapped at her, "It's alright. I'm sorry I got annoyed. But I don't think Kyon is going to hurt me." But even as she spoke these words, she wondered what evidence she had to support her confidence in him. He had pushed Yuki up against the wall, yelled at her, and acted strangely in general for two days now. But then she remembered the guilt-stricken expression on his face when he realized what he was doing. And, of course, she remembered the library. She could only hope that her gut feeling was right. "I hope you're right," said Asakura. "I think you like him a lot…and I think he may like you, as well." With that, Asakura hung up.

That night, Yuki slept fitfully. A nightmare troubled her. In it, she was standing outside, at night, just as she had two nights ago, when Asakura had followed her. But Kyon was there too. He was pointing what looked like a futuristic ray gun at her, as if to shoot her. He looked sad, as if this wasn't something he wanted to do, but was obligated to do. And then…Ryoko Asakura charged out from behind a bush, and plunged a kitchen knife right into Kyon's lower back. She was laughing, and as Kyon collapsed on the ground, she turned wildly, with little drops of blood flying off the knife, onto Yuki's face and uniform. She gasped in horror, and then Ryoko uttered the chilling words, "This is what you wished for, isn't it Yuki? This is why you made me. I'm here to make sure no one hurts you."

Yuki woke up confused, terrified, and covered in a cold sweat. Where had that nightmare come from? Was she really becoming this disturbed? How could she have such a dream, or imagine her best friend in such a terrible light? She almost wished Kyon hadn't come to the clubroom yesterday. Maybe her world was glum and cold, but at least it was predictable. And now it seemed to be falling apart around her. But then she remembered the warmth she had felt when Kyon agreed to stay for dinner, and again when he asked to come back to the clubroom the next day. And as she closed her eyes, she found that she couldn't wait for the morning to come.


	4. The Vanishing

The Vanishing

The next day, despite not having slept well, Yuki woke up more easily than usual. She had a feeling that something important would happen today. Something which could change her entire world. It didn't really make sense to her, but it seemed that a lot of things lately defied normal logic. She heated up some leftovers, and ate more than she normally did in the mornings. She started off to school at a brisk pace, catching up to Asakura, who had left ahead of her. "Hello, Yuki," said Asakura. "Are you okay? You look a little tired." "I just woke up a bit early, and couldn't go back to sleep," said Yuki. She felt bad for lying to her friend, but she wasn't about to tell her about the nightmare she had last night, in which Asakura turned into a knife-wielding psychotic killer.

Yuki waited impatiently for classes to end for the day, and then almost ran to the clubroom. She tried to read, but couldn't. She was waiting too expectantly for Kyon to arrive to think about much else. But it was taking a while. An hour passed. He still didn't come. What was taking him so long? Had he thought better of coming at the last minute? Worry gave way to paranoia on Yuki's part. Maybe everything that had happened was part of an elaborate joke he had been forced to participate in. Maybe someone out there really hated her, for some unknown reason, and wanted to make her suffer. Maybe Kyon just didn't feel it was that important to show up at the literary club, and had forgotten. Maybe he was sidetracked. Maybe he did have the virus, and had relapsed, and was now in the hospital, delirious.

As these thoughts raced through her mind, the knot in her stomach grew bigger. She wished someone would tell her what was going on. Even if it was all someone's cruel joke, she could live with it. She would retreat into her shell, nurse her wounds, and remember this whenever she was tempted to venture out in the future. But uncertainty was worse than anything. It was intolerable. "Please, Kyon," she said softly to the empty air, "just send me a message. Anything…" she trailed off, the futility of the action sinking in.

She sat down at the computer. Maybe she would write. Focusing on something else would help her with her stress. But just as she was about to press the power button, the door burst open, and Kyon rushed in, yelling "Nagato!", and followed by several people Yuki didn't know at all (although she had seen the busty, terrified-looking redhead around school). There was a girl with brown hair tied with yellow ribbons, and another boy. Kyon said, "Sorry I'm late." They all rushed into the room, and Kyon set his bag on the table. Nagato noticed that the unknown boy and girl were dressed as if they were going to gym class. The redhead asked "Wh-where are we? I haven't done anything."

So I'm not the only one who's completely confused about this situation, thought Yuki. The brown-haired girl locked the door, and the redhead asked, "wh-what are you doing?" "Be quiet!" the brown-haired girl said sharply. The redhead just whimpered, almost like a stricken puppy. What was it she had been thinking before, about how everything that had happened recently seemed to defy normal logic again? Who were these people? And why was Kyon smiling at the scene as if this was somehow normal? Yuki detected just a small undercurrent of jealousy to her thoughts, as she thought Kyon was looking a little too longingly at the short red-haired girl, who basically seemed to be a walking _moe_ archetype.

Yuki's thoughts were interrupted by the brown-haired girl. "So you're Miss Yuki Nagato? I'm Haruhi Suzumiya! And this cutie here is Miss Asahina." Asahina..where had she heard the name before? Wait, hadn't Ryoko claimed that Kyon tried to "assault" her? Suddenly the jealousy factor went up tenfold. But it was tempered by her awareness that Miss Asahina apparently didn't want the attention she was being given. Indeed, the poor girl looked terrified of Haruhi Suzumiya, and was whimpering softly as Haruhi pulled her a little too close with an arm around her neck. "And the boy in the gym clothes is Koizumi!" As she said this, Koizumi, who standing next to Yuki's chair, picked up the blanket she was wearing to keep her legs warm before this odd assortment of people had burst in. "Hello," Koizumi said simply, offering her the blanket. She shied away from him, and Koizumi shrugged, laying the blanket on the back of the chair. Yuki could feel Kyon's gaze, and she suddenly had the distinct impression that Kyon did not like Koizumi very much. Suzumiya continued, "And I think you all know John Smith over there, right?" "Who's John Smith?," Yuki asked, softly. Kyon said, "Yeah, just let that one go for now." I think I have the right to know that, Yuki thought with just a touch of resentment. It seemed that Asahina and herself were the only ones being kept in the dark here.

For the next several minutes, Haruhi Suzumiya continued her incomprehensible jabbering, talking about the "SOS Brigade", and how she would remodel the clubroom. She said something about returning "John Smith" (who Yuki took to be Kyon) to his own world. What was this all about? This wasn't at all what Yuki was hoping for. She had wanted Kyon to come here. She had wanted that desperately. But having this strange girl barge in, acting as if she owned the room, bringing two complete strangers in tow was not what Yuki had in mind. She held back tears at this violation of her sanctum, and bit her tongue to avoid speaking harshly to the girl. The only reason, she thought, for not ejecting the unwelcome visitors from the room, was that he wanted to be able to figure out what all this was about. Then Haruhi and Kyon started arguing. Why did this seem vaguely familiar to Yuki? Suddenly, the computer turned on, apparently on its own. Yuki was taken aback. What was happening here? But she got the feeling that the event that was so important was about to happen. She couldn't say why, but it was almost a sixth sense.

Miss Asahina whimpered softly, and Yuki simply stared at the screen. "What did you do that for?" said Haruhi indignantly, "You scared the heck out of me. Don't go turning it on like that." Yuki simply shook her head. "What, you didn't turn it on?" asked Haruhi, incredulous. Koizumi chimed in, "Maybe someone adjusted its settings to turn it on automatically." Yuki got the feeling that Koizumi meant "someone" to be her, but she couldn't be quite sure. She knew that she hadn't done anything to the computer. For the umpteenth time, she wondered if this was all just some elaborate joke being played on her, but rejected that theory. Somebody would have to be trying way too hard, to bring all of these people together just for a prank on Yuki. She couldn't imagine that she would have an enemy that determined. Which meant that this was all real. And that scared her even more.

Yuki shook her head. She saw Kyon run around the table. She moved out of the way quickly. "Let me see that!" he said, as if what he would see on the screen was a matter of life and death. He apparently saw something on the screen that affected him, because he laid his head down on the computer monitor. He made a sound that was either laughter or crying, Yuki couldn't tell which. "John, have you gone crazy?" asked Haruhi. Yuki wished she could be as blunt. This whole situation was getting stranger by the minute. She moved closer to the computer, and read the message appearing on the black screen. The message appeared after a name. "Yuki N." What was happening? The message wasn't anything that she wrote: "By the time you are reading this, I will not be myself. If this message is being displayed, then you, I, Haruhi Suzumiya, Mikuru Asahina, and Itsuki Koizumi are present. That is the key. You have unlocked the solution. This is an emergency escape program. To activate the program, press the enter key. Otherwise, press any other key. If you activate it, you will be given the opportunity to correct space-time. However, success is not guaranteed, nor is return. This program can be activated only once. After execution, it will be deleted. If you select not to execute it, it will delete without running. Ready?"

And somehow, Yuki knew this was real, although it made no logical sense. If Kyon pressed the Enter key, something would happen. He would not be with her anymore. "Nagato," Kyon asked, "does any of this seem familiar?" "No, no it doesn't," Nagato replied, shaking her head violently. Please, just let me be, she thought. I don't know what I've been drawn into, or why.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Of course I'm sure," said Yuki, a trifle annoyed. Kyon just stared at the screen, apparently absorbed in thought. After a few moments, Haruhi piped up, "John, what is it? You've got this funny look on your face. You're not telling me what's going on and it's starting to freak me out!" Nagato was thinking how annoying this girl seemed, when Kyon shouted, "Just be quiet for a second!" Although this was directed at Haruhi, it made Yuki flinch involuntarily. "I'm sorry, I just need a little time to think about this," said Kyon. "How rude!" exclaimed Haruhi. She's got a lot of nerve, complaining about rudeness. Kyon seemed to be looking around at everyone else in the room besides Haruhi. This prompted Koizumi to say "What's that look for?" when Kyon looked at him, and evoked a scared whimper from Miss Asahina when he glanced her way. Then he looked at Yuki. She stared straight back at him, not breaking eye contact. She felt at this moment that it was the most important thing in the world. But Kyon turned his head away, looking back towards the computer screen.

Kyon took a deep breath, and then sighed loudly. He reached into his right coat pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper, folded and slightly crumpled. He also accidentally pushed out the bookmark he had found the other day, the one that had Yuki's handwriting on it but that she couldn't remember writing. It fell to her feet, and she was about to bend to pick it up when Kyon said, "It's okay" and picked it up himself.

"Nagato," he said, unfolding the other piece of paper and handing it her, "you can have this back. I'm sorry." She recognized the literary club application form she had given Kyon the day before yesterday. And then she knew what his decision was. The feeling inside of her was almost more than she could bear. She turned her head downward, ashamed of the tears threatening to force their way out of her eyes. "I understand," she said softly, her throat tight. She knew that when Kyon pressed the Enter button on the keyboard, he would disappear. And she wished that she could disappear, too. She was vaguely aware of reaching out to take the form from him, failing to grasp it the first time, and only just succeeding on her second attempt. "You see, Nagato," Kyon said, "in my world I was already a member of this club. It would be redundant if I went through the process of joining again. Try to understand. Where I come from I'm the first official member of the SOS Brigade." If these were meant to be words of comfort, they didn't work. Just go, Yuki thought. It hurts too much to see you here, knowing you'll be gone. A part of her wanting to reach out, to embrace him, if only for one last time, and maybe to beg him to stay, to confess her love to him. But some part of her knew she couldn't do that. She could never be so overt. And while she could suffer, she couldn't bring herself to beg, or to use guilt to get what she wanted. So she stood silently, thinking she would rather walk on daggers than experience the pain she was feeling now.

Kyon pressed the Enter key. Yuki saw him falling, and fading, and…

She was outside again. It was cold. She didn't remember the events of the last three days at all, because they hadn't happened yet. A boy was walking slowly towards her. He was holding something in his right hand that was shining softly in the moonlight. He walked towards her, and as Yuki realized that he looked familiar, she tried to remember who he was. "Hey," he said, as if they had known each other for a long time, "It's me. We meet again." Wait a minute, it was the boy from the library! The one who was in class 5. He was called "Kyon" by his classmates. Why did seeing him hurt so much? Was it because she didn't thank him for the library card? She couldn't think of anything to say, other than "What are you doing out here? And why?" "Funny, I was just about to ask you the exact same thing," he replied. "Uh…sleepwalking?" She replied quietly. The truth was she didn't know how she got out here. The best explanation she could think of, off the top of her head, was that she was sleepwalking.

Kyon stood there for over a minute. Yuki wondered what he was doing. Why was he standing there? And what was he holding in his right hand? Had he followed her here? Did he have something to say to her? The tension was almost unbearable, and Yuki was keenly aware of the bitter cold surrounding her. She wondered if she should run away. She was tired, and confused, and afraid. She had a feeling, which she couldn't quite place the reason for, that this was something important, something pivotal, and that Kyon was thinking long and hard about his next course of action. But why? What course of action? And why was it that when she looked at him, she felt, mixed with her guilt about her seeming ingratitude at the library, a sense of what? Heartbreak? Betrayal? What was going on? Was this all a dream?

The boy snapped her out of reverie, by saying, "That's it then. I'm sorry Nagato, but I like the way you used to be better than the way you are now." Why was he saying that? He didn't know her. They had only met once. And the "way she used to be"? It didn't make any sense. Was this a joke? If so, it wasn't funny at all. "You just need to change the world back, Nagato." "I don't know what you're talking about," Yuki replied. A woman with brown eyes and reddish hair approached Kyon, putting her hand on his shoulder. Why did she seem so familiar? "It's no good," the woman said, "this version of Miss Nagato doesn't have any power. Look at her. She's a normal girl."

This wasn't right, the two of them standing there talking about her like that. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? Yuki felt tears welling up. She looked down. This was all a prank, wasn't it? It had to be. The boy raised the thing he was holding by his side, and suddenly Yuki recognized what it looked like. A gun. Pointed at her. Please let this all be a dream, or even a prank, however sick it might be. She had a feeling that whatever came out of that gun, it would kill her…or change her into something very different than she was now.

Why had she thought that? Was this last-minute panic? Her feet felt rooted to the spot. She couldn't run. She couldn't fight. She felt so helpless. But what was worst was that she didn't know why any of this was happening. Kyon pointed the gun at her and said one word: "Sorry." And then the woman next to him yelled, "Kyon, watch out!" A flash of blue hair, the distinctive North High uniform for girls…it was Miss Asakura! Yuki saw the glint of a large knife in the dark, right before it entered Kyon's back. She saw the shocked expression on Kyon's face as he turned his head. And she heard Asakura say, as sweetly as if she was offering candy to a child, "I could never let you hurt Miss Nagato."

Miss Asakura pulled the knife out of Kyon's back, and he collapsed to the ground, bleeding profusely. Yuki sank to her knees and in her shock asked, simply, "Miss Asakura?" Asakura, who was waving the knife back and forth as if she were wagging her finger at a naughty child, giggled slightly, smiled, and said, as she walked towards Yuki, "You don't have anything to worry about anymore. I'm here to protect you. I'll kill anything that threatens you. After all," she said, placing a hand on Yuki's cheek, "That's my only reason for being here". Yuki recoiled from the touch. What was this? This had to be a nightmare. Asakura took a step back and said, "You should know. This is exactly what you wished for, isn't it?" Then she swung the knife in an arc. Droplets of blood flew off of it, landing on Yuki's face. No. This isn't what I wanted at all, Nagato thought. Somebody make it stop. She watched helplessly as the demonic apparition of Asakura strode confidently towards Kyon, who was bleeding on the ground. And then something truly strange happened. As Miss Asakura was about to stab Kyon again, someone grabbed the knife from her. And that someone…looked just like Yuki Nagato. How could that be? She must be hallucinating. She felt a slight sting on her skin. Another Kyon was there, and had fired the gun at her. She saw a needle in her left arm.

Nagato began to remember...

And then everything changed again.


	5. Forbidden Words

It had been several days since the "correction". Kyon had come out of his coma. Nagato knew that would happen. In time, he would recover completely. She had seen to it. She wouldn't tell anyone, including Kyon, about the memories. While the life she had created for her human self, leading up to December 18, was hazy and indistinct, apart from what corresponded to her normal existence, the time she had actually experienced was relatively clear, allowing of course for the imperfections of human perception.

When she had made her decision, she had not expected how difficult a human existence would be. To be human, and to express the full range of human emotions, unfettered-but also unprotected- by programming, had been unexpectedly painful. A literary allusion came to mind. Something she had read, from a book of old tales, which as she understood had mostly been stories for human children. The protagonist in that story was different from her, but like her had been a non-human who chose to become human, and "Every step that she took felt like daggers driven into her feet". It would be an apt metaphor for her situation. And the protagonist had also perished in the end, a fate that she knew must await her, knowing the Data Integration Thought Entity. Already, Emiri Kimidori had been placed as her minder, to prevent her from doing anything else destructive while the Entity deliberated.

Error Data, she knew. That was all it had ever been. She would be called back soon. She knew that much. The Data Integration Thought Entity could not tolerate the risk that she would alter the world again, and the errors were recurrent. If it found that she could still be useful, her program would be modified, and she might be reassigned to less sensitive work.

Or, if it found that there was no way to modify her in which she would be useful, she would simply be deleted. In either case, her days with the SOS Brigade were numbered. She supposed that she was feeling what humans called "regret". At what, she wasn't entirely certain. That she had changed the world? Or that she had left a way to change it back? Did it really matter? She couldn't have done it any other way. While the errors in her system had moved her to appropriate Haruhi Suzumiya's powers and change the universe, they had also kept her from altering Kyon, and had compelled her to leave him a way out. It was contradictory, and self-defeating. Wasn't that the definition of an error?

There was probably a human word for the error that had caused that behavior. She had left Kyon a choice. He had neither been forced to accept the new world she had created, nor been forced to change it back. He was given the power to choose what sort of world he wanted to live in. This was not a part of her programming reasserting itself. If so, she would have made sure that Kyon was compelled to change the world back. That part of her had accepted that Kyon might choose to reverse the change, and expose her to the consequences of her actions, and also that he might fail to do so. What sort of error was it, that could cause her to place a human's well-being on par with her own, or her mission? She supposed that the version of Asakura that she created had represented the part of her that had wanted to keep that world, at all costs. Unpredictable, but once again, in keeping with errors. She wondered how humans could live like this, constantly at war within their own minds. It…hurt. That was all she could think. It was not the same as physical pain, but the distress it caused was just as real. And while she could stand physical pain with a resolve that would have impressed the Stoics, emotional pain had not been something she was designed to cope with.

Why analyze it further? Soon it would be irrelevant. Her system would be purged of those flaws causing the errors, or she would be destroyed.

Kyon was on the roof of the hospital. She simply teleported there, standing behind him. Although her arrival had been inaudible, the human turned around, as if he had been able to sense her presence. It must have been coincidence. "Hey," he said, "I hope you weren't looking all over for me. Not that you'd have any trouble finding me, of course." That last statement was correct, rendering the first irrelevant. Why did humans feel the need to waste energy on unnecessary words? For her part, Nagato was to the point, "I am responsible for everything that happened," she said, in the monotone voice that characterized her "normal" self. She preferred it this way. With such a voice, she was less likely to display external evidence of the errors in her system. Whatever the names of the internal errors and contradictions humans took for granted, that distressed her so, not a single one could pass through her voice. Not joy, nor hope, nor fear would leave any imprint on that relentless monotone.

"You understand everything then, huh," said Kyon. "That on December 18th, you remade the world we knew, and everyone in it, from April to the present". Not entirely true. She had not remade Kyon himself. That was why he remembered the world as it had been. But it was close enough. "I understand," she replied. "So then why didn't you tell me about it?" Kyon demanded, "You could have said something. Wouldn't that have been better? I don't know, maybe I could have figured out how to help you." What could he have done to help her? "Even if I had informed you that I was malfunctioning at the time, I would have erased your memories of the conversations and restructured the world, regardless of your intentions." She didn't know this for certain, but it seemed most likely. Did it contradict the fact that she had left him with a choice once the world was altered? Indeed. But that was why the data was erroneous. "And there is no guarantee that this is not the current situation. All I did was allow the world to be returned to its normal settings. Allowing you to meet me on December 18th was critical for that to happen."

Kyon was silent for a few second. Then, facing her, he said, "Nagato...I'm so sorry." She bowed her head slightly at the words. Why this reversion to her human self's behaviors? Even now, the errors were accumulating. She would tell him soon. About the errors. About what would have to be done. She knew that the probability of a violent emotional reaction on his part was at least 99.8%. But it needed to be done. Otherwise, more dangerous consequences, for the universe, may result when she inevitably disappeared from the SOS Brigade. And then, "Yuki…" he said. She looked up at him. Had he addressed her by her name? Or was he simply observing that the form of precipitation that her name could be used to refer to in the Japanese language, was falling from the sky? The answer was indeterminate.

She raised her hands, letting the flakes fall onto her hands. "Options for my punishment are being examined." "And who gets to decide that?" asked Kyon. "The Data Integration Thought Entity," she replied. Kyon emitted a muffled sound. Probability that this indicated anger: 92.2%, surprise: 7.75%, other: negligible.

She continued, "The possibility for another malfunction on my part is uncertain. As long as I am allowed to continue existing in this world, my internal errors will accumulate. That would be dangerous for everyone." "Then you can tell them to go to hell!" yelled Kyon angrily, "Tell this to your boss: If they make you disappear, I'll go crazy, you understand?" Kyon reached out and enclosed Nagato's hand in his. Nagato remembered that Asakura had done this, in the first iteration of the altered universe, before leading her back to her apartment. The gesture had made her human self uncomfortable, most likely due to residual data from her normal state. But now it was…a comforting gesture, which she understood to be the intended purpose when shared between humans. More Error Data.

Kyon continued, "I don't have any power, but I can sure get Haruhi worked up." He paused for a while. As the snow fell around him, he took off his coat and placed it over her. She was genuinely surprised by this, knowing as she did how much Kyon disliked the cold. "If it won't listen to me, then I'll change the world again, and I'll use Haruhi!" Kyon said defiantly. Kneeling down before her, and enclosing her right hand in both of his, Kyon said, "We'll make a world where you exist, and the Data Integration Thought Entity doesn't. Even if we have to upend the universe, I promise we'll get you back. You can tell that to your boss." Nagato nodded. She hesitated for a millisecond. She was experiencing more errors. Fear, was that it? Yes. She was afraid that this declaration from Kyon might make him a target of the Entity. If the Entity could delete her, it could also have him killed. But she also knew that the Entity would not dare to destroy him. The destabilizing effects on Haruhi Suzumiya would be catastrophic, and probably result in the destruction of the universe. It was a near certainty, in fact. Once she had satisfied herself that this information would not have negative repercussions for Kyon, she transmitted the message.

"Transmitting," she said. And a few moments later, "Thank you". They stood for a while. She then said, "If you continue to stand outside in this temperature in your bed clothes, you will reduce your immune resistance to infection by up to 10%. Because you are still recovering from your injuries, this may have dangerous consequences for your physical health." She offered him his coat back. "If you're staying outside, then keep it for now. I only really need it back when I leave, and I know I can trust you not to forget," said Kyon. "I will remain out here for a few more minutes," said Nagato, "It is necessary for me to analyze the most recent data and its implications." Kyon seemed to understand, "Yeah, having a few minutes alone to think about things doesn't hurt." He walked to the door. Nagato could tell that the temperature was causing him severe physical discomfort, and did not want him to remain outside because of it. And it was necessary for him to be out of earshot for a while. What she might utter could have destabilizing implications for Haruhi Suzumiya if heard by Kyon, and that would be even more dangerous than Nagato's instability.

Kyon opened the door, and turned to look at Nagato a last time before going inside. Apparently satisfied, Kyon gave her a small smile, before he went into the building and closed the door behind him.

Nagato stood. And she thought. Just when she thought she understood humans, they could surprise her still. She remembered, on the morning of December 18, that when Kyon approached her he had said, "I like the way you were before better than the way you are now." She had been utterly bewildered by the statement at the time. And later, upon reflection with her memories restored, she had supposed he meant that she was more useful with her powers. She considered how aberrant it was to expect a human who was aware of her nature as an interface to think of her in any other light. But she was surprised again. Gripping the coat around herself, she considered how small a gesture it might seem to humans, but how significant it was to her. Kyon had given her his own coat, to protect her against the cold, even though in so doing he exposed himself to the cold. Was that something that humans did with mere tools? Nagato knew that Kyon knew (or at least should know) that her functionality could not be reduced by a slight chill in the air, after the more severe physical shocks he had seen her endure. But perhaps he had noticed some small sign, that even Nagato wasn't aware of, that she too could feel cold, and had wanted to help her in some small way.

And perhaps when he said that he liked her better the way she was before, it was in part because he had seen her walk on daggers for three days, and couldn't stand the pain he thought she must feel. She knew that she could never ask, just as he couldn't ask if she remembered what happened those three days, or how much of herself had been in that human version. But it was enough that he had, just moments before, treated her as one human would treat another, one that he cared about, not out of self-interest, but out of…what? Maybe that was the word that had resided in her mind for three days, the one that seemed so strange and mysterious to herself as an interface.

The snow was falling more heavily now, beginning to form a thin layer of white on the rooftop, and the whole world seemed to be silent. Nagato knew, rationally of course, that this was not the case. Humans were speaking, and watching television, and driving cars, and weeping, laughing, and yelling, and it was all just muffled by the snow. But if she could forget that for just a moment, she could pretend that the whole world had gone still, and that if she were to speak, it would be the only sound in the world.

"Kyon," said Yuki Nagato quietly into the silence around her, "I love you".


End file.
